I Wish I Couldn't Feel A Damn Thing
by ifan13
Summary: Collection of angsty Supernatural drabbles. Warning: Death and Tragedy. Third drabble: Carry On My Wayward Son (featuring OC Ryan - Dean's son - and suicide).
1. Dead Promises

**A/N: **I like to write drabbles, so I'm making a collection of all my little Supernatural drabbles that I write because it looks lame when you upload them all separately. The title is in reference to that line that Dean said and to the fact that these will all (or almost all) be angsty. This specific one was written for a request on tumblr. Warning: Death.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Supernatural.

**Dead Promises**

Cas had realized the last time the Winchesters had come back from the dead that that was it. Their last chance. Everyone had to die - really die - sometime. The Winchester brothers couldn't just keep going on forever - it wasn't right and eventually, they would hate him for keeping them alive. So he swore to himself that the next time, that was it. The next time they died, it would be permanent. A real and lasting peace. He'd just have to keep them safe so that didn't happen for a long time, he told himself.

Cas knew that was practically an impossible task, but he never believed he would fail this badly.

He thought maybe he would lose Dean to a demon attack or a vengeful spirit or, in the best case scenario, old age.

Cas never thought he'd lose Dean to something so close to home.

He never thought he'd lose Dean to Dean's own depression, hopelessness, and self loathing.

The sight of Dean's lifeless body sent a chill though Cas.

The sight of Dean's shattered and bloody skull caused him to stumble as he walked forward.

The sight of the agent of destruction - Dean's favorite gun - in Dean's own hand made his eyes fill with tears as he looked down at it.

But those tears were never shed and no other emotion could be seen on Cas' face. Perhaps it was because the dead can feel no emotions. For, you know, when Dean had pulled the trigger on himself, he had killed two.

_I can fix this_, Cas thought, trying to fight against the darkness that was engulfing him. _It doesn't have to end this way_.

But it did. Because he promised.

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed it! Or ... not really enjoyed it but ... you know what I mean. Let me know what you thought! And if you want me to post anymore of these. I'd be happy to take requests of any kind for Supernatural drabbles (or one/two shots).


	2. Broken Brothers

**A/N: **Written for jokergirl94. Takes place in _Goodbye Stranger_.

**Disclaimer: **I'm so tired of saying this, but no. I don't own Supernatural.

**Broken Brothers**

"Dean! We've got to go. Crowley's here," Sam yelled out as he ran through the abandoned building looking for Dean and Castiel. "Dean! Come on, where are you?"

As Sam ran down a hallway, he noticed a gap in the wall further down it. _That must be it._

"Dean, we-" Sam paused as he came around the corner and saw only Cas, standing there, with his angel blade in his raised hand. "Cas? What's going on?" Sam asked, his voice full of confusion.

That confusion was quickly replaced by fury, however, when he saw what Castiel had been looking at just a moment before. Kneeling before Cas was a broken and bloody version of Dean.

Sam let out a roar of rage, "DEAN!" He began to run towards Dean, who hadn't even seemed to realize that Sam was there. He was still cowering before Cas, his face full of terror and pain.

The sight of Dean had cast all thought of Cas out of Sam's head – even thought's of revenge on him for doing this. Sam's entire focus was on his brother. But therein lay his mistake. He shouldn't have forgotten Cas, because Castiel certainly hadn't forgotten him. Just before Sam reached Dean, Castiel stepped in front of him and hit him across the face with the angel blade. Sam went down like a stone and Cas stood over him, preparing to deliver the final strike. Sam was in the way now as well.

Dean was shaken out of his trance by this. "NO!" he shouted. "NO! Cas, don't! Please, Cas!"

But Cas' hand shot down, the angel blade directed right at Sam's throat, in spite of Dean's pleas.

"NO!"

Right before the blade reached Sam's throat, the blade moved an inch to the right and impaled itself in the ground. "No, Naomi," Cas said, his voice full of quiet fury and quivering with the effort of rebelling.

Dean looked at Cas with fear and confusion. "Cas?" he said, tentatively.

However, when Cas' eyes snapped towards him, he saw nothing in Cas' dead eyes and knew not to expect any more mercy from him. Whatever was going on, the cessation of violence against Sam had clearly been a onetime thing.

"Please, Cas. Don't hurt Sam. You- you can have the tablet."

Castiel looked confused at Dean's surrender.

"Damn you, Cas! I said you can have it! You leave Sammy alone and it's yours." Dean slid the tablet over to Sam. "Just don't you hurt Sam anymore, damn you."

When Castiel disappeared and the tablet with him, Dean fell backwards onto the dirty floor, jarring his fractured arm and causing his broken head to pound. But at this point, he wasn't even paying attention to the pain. Both of his brothers were far more broken than his arm was, and that hurt far more than any bodily injury ever could.

**A/N: **Hope you thought this was good! Review! jokergirl94's prompt was, "What if Sam had walked in on Cas attacking dean in Goodbye Stranger and Cas didn't heal Dean?" That was the answer to the question. If you have any prompts for me, just message me and I'll be happy to take a crack at them!


	3. Carry On My Wayward Son

**A/N: **Written on Tumblr for rywinchester's character, Ryan Winchester. (Ryan is Dean's 17 year old son in an AU world where Dean had a one night stand when he was 17 where he fathered Ryan. He found Ryan about 14 years later.)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Supernatural, the characters, or the character of Ryan.**  
**

**Carry On My Wayward Son**

Dean was a hunter and he understood that there was a fair amount of risk that came with the job. This risk included working around "contagious" monsters - monsters that could make you one of them. Vampires were contagious, Croats were contagious, werewolves were contagious.

Him and Ryan were right in the middle of a hunt when he finally figured it out. He'd had clues - blood underneath his fingernails, destruction around his windows and where they were staying, a strange bite. But those were explained away - scratching at an itch, teenagers, a dog he'd fought with. It wasn't till the two of them were looking over a body that had been killed by a werewolf and Dean realized that the strange fabric he'd found clutched in his hand that morning matched the victim's shirt, that Dean finally came out of denial.

He'd been turned.

Sam was on a hunting trip in the middle of the National forest - unreachable - and Dean didn't have much time. He'd already killed at least one - and since they'd been on the trail of this werewolf for a few bodies now, Dean was sure he'd killed more. One thing he did know - he was going to kill again if he wasn't stopped. This needed to end - now. So, it all fell to his son.

Ryan came in that same day, coming back from doing the interviews Dean had had him do. He came in to see Dean sitting on the sofa, staring at the gun in his hand.

"Dad? What's up?" he asked, not quite sure what was amiss. But he knew, from something in Dean's stance, that something most certainly was wrong.

"I don't want ya to see this happen, Ryan. But- you're gonna have to clean it up and- I'm sorry." Dean spoke in a soft voice and never looked up from his gun.

Ryan was actually starting to get alarmed. "Dad? Dean? What's wrong?"

Dean finally looked up at him with a mirthless chuckle, his eyes dead. "Ryan, that werewolf we're hunting- it's me."

His son tried to laugh it off but he couldn't Not when he saw how serious Dean's face was. "No- no, it- it can't be! You- you're not-"

"Yeah, I am. Ya don't think I would have said that unless I was absolutely sure, do you?! Believe me, I am, which is why I need you to do somethin' for me," Dean interrupted, walking over to his son's side.

Ryan didn't want to believe his dad but he'd learned to trust Dean implicitly when he wore that face. Still, he didn't like where this was heading. "Dad-"

His father didn't let him finish. He couldn't really bear to hear what his son was going to say. "I need you to leave here and then come back in 20 minutes. And then- I'm so sorry, but I'm gonna need ya to burn my body."

Ryan jumped back like he'd been slapped, finally grasping what his father meant to do - a shot to the head. "What?! NO! No, dad, we- we can fix this! There has to be a- we'll call Uncle Sam, ok? Right? Or- and Garth! Someone- there's got to be some hunter out there that knows how to cure werewolves- it's ok- we can- I'll figure this out! You don't have to-"

"Stop." Dean's voice was soft but commanding, enough to break through his son's hysterical planning. "Ryan, there's nothin'. This happened once before to a- a friend of Sam's and the cure didn't work. She kept killing people and- it doesn't work, Ry. Neither would locking me up, because we both know I'd get out one day and kill someone else." Dean shook his head. "I can't have that on me too, Ryan."

Ryan's eyes full of tears, he shook his head and confessed brokenly, "I- I can't- do this. I can't say goodbye. I can't."

Dean's green eyes full of responding tears, he clapped Ryan on the shoulder and squeezed tightly, before turning away gruffly. "You'll have to remind Sam that he can't bring me back. I'll be in Purgatory, so it won't work anyway. I'm leavin' him a note, but make sure he listens to me. You-"

"Wait, Purgatory?!" Ryan broke in.

"Yeah," Dean chuckled. "I'm a monster now. Purgatory's where I'm goin'. Ya said you can't say goodbye … So- just think of it like- like I'm gone on a hunting trip. I'm gonna be. I'll be in Purgatory, huntin' with Benny. Just- think of it that way." Dean was trying, really trying, to down play the fear, pain, and sadness here, for his son's sake. He just wasn't so sure it was working.

"Dad, you're a dick, you know that?" Ryan said, responding to his father's attempt to lighten the whole situation, before rushing forward and hugging the older man. "I'm gonna miss you, you know that?"

Dean gasped as he grasped his son tight, hugging him both for him and for Sam, his brother whom he would never see again. "Believe me, I know. I- I love you, Ryan. I never said it enough."

"I- you too, dad." What was he going to do now that his dad was going to be gone? _What was he going to do?!_

Ok. It was time. "You stay safe. And gank some monsters for me. Help some people. But- but if you find a girl, choose her- over everything else. You're a Winchester. Family's the most important thing. Remember that. You hear me?"

"Yes sir," Ryan replied, finally letting go as his father broke away. "I'll remember. Kick some ass, raise some hell, and do some good."

Dean nodded and Ryan turned away and walked out. "That's m' boy."

Ryan came back 20 minutes later and cleaned up, just like his dad had told him too. He burned Dean's body that night.

When Sam finally got back from the forest, he called Ryan, worried by the number of calls he'd missed.

"Ryan, what's wrong?"

"It's Dad- he's-" But Ryan just couldn't bring himself to say it. Not yet. But there was another way to say the truth. "Dad's on a hunting trip … and he hasn't been home in a few of days."

**A/N: **What did ya think? The prompt was to write Dean's last words to Ryan ... I kind of went above and beyond with that ... Also ... I seem to kill Dean off a lot in my writing. I wonder if that means anything. Review, follow, and favorite!


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